I need a break

hectic life now, need to go to china to, purge.

Getting along

'When human work together, there will be friction.'

There, I'm so amazed how true is that, I kinda felt, people should get along and love each other. I admit its hard, I of course have the fare share of people I cannot stand the sight of, and of course and thank god, the majority, people whom I love love love.

This semester, somehow, I'm very into human relationships, maybe its cause of UR. I saw, resolved conflicts, ongoing conflicts, new conflicts. I easily said,'Why can't they just get along?!' and BAMM, I face my demons.

Friends, project group, investment club, ba society. And I am very ashamed to say that my efforts in the relationships with people, are really badly priortised. There is no balance, I do favor some people more, at some point of time. But those are due to the environment, situations, I am only human.

Do I think before I say? No. Am I a backstabber? yes, and no.

Go ahead and judge me, I too, judge myself a lot. As much as I have trust issues with people, I do too with myself. As much as I find it hard to forgive people, I find it hard to forgive myself. There are still so many incidents I have no forgiven myself for. And I see those carefree people everyday, taking life as it is, and I wonder,'Is that for real? or is the person just acting?!'.

*yawn* I don't even know if anyone cares, but I'm gonna sleep now -.-

Before i start on chapt 3....

okay guys i totally need a break from all the following crap:

Projects ( ALONE )
Home ( ALONE )
Gym ( ALONE )
Swimming ( ALONE )

This epic boredom, with no people to suan, no lectures, no chit chatting, has turn me uber mad, i was very close to returning to gaming ( phew ).

So yeah with that comes another of my fatal flaw, lonliness -.- so it seems that im super weak when im lonely tsk, i need to learn shadow clone jitsu, to always have people around me, so i thought about it, if i were to make it into NTU, i am very likely gonna stay in the hostel, since there are people there.

anywas, back on my holiday, training as per OTOT, swimming is rather fun, and i think my stamina really improved! but there is something i need to work on, lower body strength :( 1 word k, cui i got really scrawny legs :(

yawnz, next week, more projects, more OTOT trainings and studying( i got FIT quiz when i return, latest topic, studying that one might as well study previous topics right?!)

I am looking forward to:

IC post camp dinner ( dont think i wanna club tho, being tired is GGness)
Museum outing ( we never did this, tho we decided not to that day )
Ben and jerry ice cream outing !

IM STILL LOOKING FORWARD TO MSA CAMPPPP, hope to know my groupmates asap!

Life updates

First of all, BFS camp was just over!

Well, cacuse of eye candies, camp wasnt that bad! Sorry ah, cause i was kinda one of the ghosts for the hunted hse, a sleep deprived leon is really an angry one.... if i stepped on your toe during the camp! sorry!!! Some facils compared it to last year's camp, some told me it was more, some told me it was less awesome.

CMON GUYS!!!! The whole point of the camp is just to allow BFS peeps to know each other more, and from the final event, i am damn sure they do now, even if its gossiping about that dude from the other class, IT WORKS AS LONG AS THEY KNOW THAT PERSON EXISTS!

Alright thats all for BFS Camp.

Well i applied for ShangHai OIP, and Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girl, Leon The Awesome is gonna spread AWESOMENESS all over SHANGHAI!!!!! Its gonna be legend....wait for it... DARY!!!!!! Alright im gonna make a separate blog EXCLUSIVE to my adventures in shanghai, like im gonna start many episodes already! As soon as the thing starts, so i hope i can keep it up alright! wish me luck yeah guys!

okay finally about life, well obviously i have been good lately, but looking that te gap in the huge missing posts is more or less due to a few reasons. Basically i had no mood to post because life have been a total roller coaster ride for me:

Got into same class as Jeremy + Joanna my groupies for the year!
"snatched" SC from his grp
hated by classmates
okay with classmates
moved on
multiple crush syndrome ( DONT ASK! )
Chiong project
plan BFS camp
nervous and shit about society interview
scholarship interview
shanghai application
got into society
Common tests
got into shanghai OIP
BFS Camp
first aid course with society 10/11

SOOOOOOOO, yeah deadly mixture? isit it? Life's been both good and bad to me of course, balance effect, but im looking at the good side rather than the bad. Anyways this holidays will be filled with projects, well i really think i should make an effort to update! since its epic okay, at least for FMGT and FP, FRP although im in charge of it, the most creative idea that links to it was to only use a talk show, haiz epic fail!, alright time to edit videooosss

"why did i heart race after i put down the phone?"

BA Society 10/11

Okay, first thing, NEVER tell people u are impatient, cause they really will prank you :(

So according to my 5th wife Ho Pei Qin(more on that later), SCO groups were settled on Friday, she knew i got in, but Keh and gang wanted to mess with me. Cause i was really cocky during the interview >.> bringing the stupid Best ASCO trophy into the interview and putting it INFRONT of them..

So rach and ben got theirs on saturday afternoon, i found out at night, i called EP, then i DEMANDED him to tell me i got in, then he said sylvia was calling me :(

So i camped on msn, until so got in ( 12 am ) then i asked her to call me :(, but busy woman said no and say tml. Then stress, i went back from BFS Facil camp, 12pm and started waiting, and waiting.... then 8pm! Jia Le told me over msn we got in, then 830 then sylvia called and told me... EP supposed to call me -.-

EP will die! When he get sunburnt again i will pour chili over his body wahahahhahaha

Alright so since im in society :D i got 5 'wives'!!!

1. Keh Lim ( classmate!!!!! and ugh she the SCO CA !!!!)
2. Jia Le ( Partner SCO )
3. Wei Feng( Partner ASCO )
4. Deanna ( Totally no idea, i get her on tues,thurs,sat sharing with Yu Jie, Kenneth, any many more, open one! LOL )
5. Pei Qin ( SHE FORCE ME ONE!!! Kidding, no idea just decided that we talk a lot and lunch a lot too! )

Im thinking of getting ISSAC as the 6th, since hes so SMEXY but pei qin say cannot go both ways, must consider their feelings! Wa lao, ISSAC!!!!!! :(

Melvin said,' Why i care so much about society, than investment club' I just wanna say that, in loft, all my memories i could recall easily was from BA Society, Bamazing, BArnival, Bamp, Not DPA orientation, not last year BFS Camp, I'm sorry it has grown into me, Iv Club is something i have to stay inside cause of fearing for my attachment, BA Society is something i NEEDED.

With that, i am looking forward to Friday!!! Celebration with Jia le and Wei Feng @ Pizza Hut!!!!What a week to look forward to :)

Local Media

Was really busy the past few weeks, inspiration to blog kinda died of after awhile, but i got fresh inspiration off facebook!Alright here goes....

I used to watch local drama a lot, then we would call them the 7pm or 9pm shows and discuss about the characters and plot. I grew up, found greater interest in sci fi, liked english less and advertisements less too.

Hello people, I didnt say local media suck, their genre just didnt appeal to me.

Lets explore a few reasons why mediacorp do what they do:
1)Singapore Population : 5 million

See, with such a small domestic market,it is hard to have so many different things going on at once, everyone would most probably stick to a few channels. Hence most likely you get the normal drama shows, where its more heartfelt cause it appeals to most people.

2)Talent Pool

Lets face it people, you said it yourself, u are sick of every malay citizen winning the singapore idol etc,etc. I actually dare say that singapore actually is more talented then most country, why? More hardworking( or pushed), more competitive envrionment, u get the best brought out in you.Small country = lesser people = naturally smaller talent pool.

3) Singapore focus

In the past, singapore had to develop itself, hence it put a lot of emphasize on technical education, so that people can work in industrial areas, those people are our parents, they learnt it the hard way, study hard, good job = stable living, this thinking exists till today. I am under that influence too, maybe a few well to do parents have their kids learn piano, but if the kid were to pursue piano as a career, how many would agree?

4) Our expectation, comparison

Every artist, went thru critism, they handle it and come up better then they were.Lets see what u compare people with, Local artists with INERNATIONAL Artists, Local Football with EURO football, you see the the HUGE contrast ladies and gentlemen? yes thats what our aspring atheletes and artists have to face everyday, the good old singaporean critism.

No, im not asking u people to support the local media, I still dont plan on watch local drama. Im just warning those of the next big thing, people said singapore didnt make it, we become one of the most competitive country, and as you can see, we are one hell of a competitive state, i actually think we want to win in EVERYTHING, so let the art schools build up, and see how things goes, dont say i didnt warn you guys :)

AWESOME 18th

Thats another thing i can tick off my new year resolution.

So this is a story of my 18th birthday, where I was surprised when I thought I could never be.

So it was 12.00am and all the wishes started pouring in, except from a few special people. I replied as many as I could personally, but sleepliness got me and I went to bed. Woke up and checked sms, still got none, did tutorials, went for lesson, STILL NONE!

Note that I brought an extra shirt for cake face etc... I went to dance for fund, NONE, they dun wish me, dun talk nth. Like they couldnt be bothered, but then i thought i remember rachel running over to block the view of the room when i walked pass on monday, and i saw that starbucks bag, where is my tumbler? I stayed for as long as i could, but seems like whatever it was, it wasnt for me, i went for a MEETING, yes on my birthday.

Sit there stonned, thinking about what i did to upset those dear to me, i hardly heard what was going on due to some, decisions. Clarence asked me if i was alright, but i lied and said i was okay, i couldnt wait to just go home and just lie down.
I got home, I thought even further i really couldnt think of anything. Mentally drained, i decided that it was the worst 18th i had and just went to bed...

Sleeps clears many thing, i was just okay with the fact that my 18th sucked w/e. Went for lecture, left lecture and woah, no 1 forgot me,there was 18 small cakes awaiting me and hahah what i needed most now, a frying pan :D my classmates didnt forget me!Yes Melvin i was disturbed when u and peh yu wasnt the first few to wish me when we are all online on msn!!!

I dreaded going to the BBQ, cause u know ya i thought they are upset with me so i didnt want to show my face and make things worse, but my as landed up there, and towards the end, haha i remember, Benson with his signature cheeky smile saying,
'Leon you think we forget right!' It was a tumbler alright, BUT hahaha i will be always reminded of this instance,cause its this design your own tumbler thingy, and there is a group photo of imBAStards in it :D cute right, now i am bring them to all my lecture, tutorials, everywhere!!! :D

In case you were lazy and only read the last part, this bithday was so awesome because, when i thought that i wounlnt be surprised one bit, my friends, by some randomness with no coordination pull the same thing on me, and thus gave me one of the MOST PLEASANT suprises. See the power of MORE THAN ONE! Leon gets owned on his 1th birthday, FLAT, by people he loves, and cause of this, he loves them even more :)

Making it big

What does it takes for you to turn that thought in your head into action?

An experience? Inspiration? or just that moment of rush?

You see, in my school, there are people who really are doing something with their lives-doing things to their potential, and there are people who just want to get by and get things over and done with.

When you were young, you want to do everything, but you dont have the ability to because your body is limited as it is still growing. When you grow up, your body is ready, but your mind is already too lazy to do anything. You go like : aiya next time la, now still young how to accomplish anything?! few more years, my time will come. You keep saying that until you are in your deathbed : maybe I'm not supposed to do anything big, thats not god's plan for me.

Talent, Do you need to be born with it?

Yes, I'll admit once in a while you see in the news a genius who can play instruemtns, solve some question at unbelieveable age. But please see again, if you were to follow their lives, did they make it big? They are just another one hit wonder. Ever wonder why some artists stay around for long while some die off after awhile. Its either their publicist really did a good job or else they simply just had passion for what they are doing. So how big a part does talent play in this? I would dare say minor.

School is starting for many people, in poly its a new chapter for everyone else, freshmens, graduates, those graduating and those in their 2nd year. No matter your past, I hope you start this new semester with a good mindset. Keep that passion burning!

Balance

Well, something really struck me this morning, when i was just thinking about things. See, people always ask, why cant the world be simple? why cant it just be perfect? make things a little easier, we would have a better life.

let me start you with a thought, imagine that u can code your DNA, remove all your 'defects' before u are borned, u will be destined for success, you will me smart, beautiful, perfect. Then think again, if there are no children borned with life changing defects, where would symphaty, inspiration and many more come from?

So we get the idea, maybe it isnt really a good thing that every one has it easy, but still its unfair some people make it big in life, they get the good stuff, money, fame, why not me?

Well then, before you complain any further, can you be sure that u are ready for all that success? Lets say if this is all a game, and i am the game master, u question my fairness, and i will just and you 'success' trust me, if u cant handle it, it will just flow right through your hands.

I feel just feel that, the world works in a balanced way, like how gamers like their games to be 'balance' to be fair to everyone, and only people who have what it takes can get more out of it. Some examples, to have a great amount of love, you have to be able to handle great amount of pain, fame with shame. You get the idea.

So next time, dont give excuses when u cannot bear the equal and opposite effects of what u want. the world is more or less fair in most, if not all ways you dont have to be a grand parent to realize this if this random 18 year old can.

just my 2 cents, dont be offended :)

*blows off the dust on this blog*

Okay Major update, cause i think i really need someone to talk to, but then again i dunno who to talk to. So may things happened during the month of preparation and the actualy event, some good, some bad. All i want to say is i sincerely apologise, i really i can do this in person, but i really dont know who i may have offened during this period. And i would want to thank those who were there to support me and keep me going through this tough time.

Kinda forgot what i want to blog about seriously, my brain is sleeping, just gonna sleep to feed it and then get ready for a new sem, its bye bye year 1 hello year 2, also bye bye to a lot more things, but somethings maybe u can never say bye to it, cause its just too hard.

Happy CNY people! ( meant to say bitches decided to play nice)

umm CNY was great, i ate a lot food, i should expect an increase in weight if not i will be pissed. Life is good as always, eating more, 9 hours sleep.

the exams are nearing, but i think im really done studying, like really. but since i got time, never hurt to be more sure.

i wanna go msia again real soon, to shop probably, or eat that portugese egg tart before my concession expires... im really an idoit i guess -.-

"if only u can see that im only a phantom for i have drown in my tears when u werent around to pull me out"

Music

one not an emo just because one loves screamo,hardcore
one not a clubber just because one loves dance,RnB, hip hop
one not a world hater/unholy just because one listens to black/death metal
one not a medevial idoit just because one listens to power metal

we are influenced by music, not defined, for those who only listens to ******** and judge us, play god and judge all you want.

cause the fact is, not even your god can judge us

CNY @ Brandon's

brandon's PJ CNY Party. Had steamboat for dinner and went down for KTV in BOXERS. Its okay that people were outside the KTV place, but its not okay that they are from Ngee Ann and recognised BRANDON, (EHHHH THAT ONE, NP BA ONE!) So we sang and sang, pooled and went back up.

All i kinda remembered was watching "Hi, My sweetheart" whie they gambled until 2 am, head hurts like mad, apparently drinking help, but decided to sleep instead. I really think i cant ton already....

Woke up at 9am, everyone asleep, so, what i do? watch more episodes, and went home, completed the series. happy and touched, it didnt exactly have a sell out ending? No matter what i liked the show a lot.

Now have to go get ready for dinner @ Aunty Rita's amazingly enough my mum is comming along, really hope she would be careful with her words and not quarrel with her sister, and also my aunties becareful with theirs... rare enough that she is comming already.

Anyways, happy CNY people, have a great holiday, no matter what race u are, just enjoy the holidays and shut up.

there are so many things i wished i could explain, but i think, i never would have the chance. Its not that we didnt loved each other enough, but rather that we were not mature enough to see past each other flaws and dwelled on it. Nevertheless, we moved on and i wish you a great life ahead!

Went to M'sia to buy CNY clothes today, got to say it was very productive, 2 bottoms a tee( this one says 1 + 1 = 2, PEACE!!!! somewhat along that line la okay) and a belt, cause AH BEE always say my belt not nice :(

anyways, every exam i have a very bad distraction, in the past it was always MMORPGS, Maplestory, Cabal, WoW ( omg omg omg i miss u lots :(!!! ) but nowadays its MANGA and TV SHOWS!

Seriously, it kinda takes my gaming awesomeness away( i kinda miss talking in game lang, UBER 1337 SAUCE ) but well, these shows are a relaxing way for me to feed my fantasy, lets see we got, Heroes, House, How I Met Your Mother, Bones, Fringe, okay boring english shit, NOW im hooked on what every1 was hooked on, 'Hi, My Sweetheart' yeah yeah im behind time whatever, the show is rather, touching... everyone need a good love story now and then! if u cant have one in real life! fantasize! ( I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY NEGATIVE OUTCOME IF YOU REALLY HEED THIS ADVICE THE WRONG WAY)

anyways, didnt went to celebrate alan's and benjiamin's bday cause i was back in SG at 1830, and was too tried to go all the way to marina sq. so happy 19th to alan and 20th to benjiamin.

alright off to bed now, long day tml. not studying but gonna learn how to make cookies from keryn bro, then probably bring some over for brandon's cny party if she let me have some. Oh Jia Huey is comming back tml !

glad u listened, bon voyage ^^

Went for the MAS Appreciation Lunch for MONEYsense today, it was quite an experience i'd say, many representives from various prestigious organisation were there. So there were the talks which told us about past events and future events, very amazing a lot of collaboration going on, and u can see the power of networking in action, well, at least for a good cause.

The lunch buffet is, interesting, laksa, satay, and good food. Nice view 30 stories above the ground that the penthouse, 1 word, shiok, it for a while gave u the fantasy of having a party with u and yr bach buds at yr huge balcony.

It was a really short function anyways ( during their lunch time LOL ). didnt go to school for MAEC revision lecture by Mr Kock cause i thought i couldnt make it, so i didnt do the aug 2009 paper.. ahaha

alright time to study!

i did things i was not exactly proud of, but not regret :)

expectations and what they do to you

so a random post on expectations, because im too full from dinner to study, the sensation in my stomach is just too distracting and feel too good, btw i finally hit the big 60kg, *bows* im gonna continue till i hit 65, hopefully before my big 18!

So, we all know, expectation on our side, the more u have the more dissapointed u will be when it doesnt go your way, but have u ever considered it the other way?

i feel that, there is like two ways, your expectations on something have a negative external impact in addtion to the disappointment u will feel. from my experience, its stress, stress to meet that expectation of that other people, what economist call, a negative externalities

i've come across a few ways to handle it, one is of course to ignore, but how easy is that? next is to DEAL with it, we all live in stressful conditions and we should learn to handle it. and the last one, call me weak willed or a quitter but i personally like this the best, lowering the expectations.

Expectation comes from trust, for example, the more i trust your capability , the higher the expectation i have of your work or the more work i will entrust you with. So if u break the trust or lower the level for trust. Those taking economics, think supply and demand curve, if i lower my "supply of trust", it costs u more "disappointment" to expect that much of me, thus, making a best decision of self interest, u decide not to expect too much of me.

Then it goes back to risk appitite, how much are u willing to put on the line? Recently, i have a troubled friend, who realised that he had to make a choice, to follow his dreams, risking disappointing his family who constantly demands a lot out of him. Or to put that dream aside and lead a mundane life, risk-free. But he left so much things out of the equation: passion, support, youth, so much more! I hope u dont mind me blogging about this, but take a step back and think, maybe things really wouldnt be as hard as it is.

Still, i could be wrong, afterall im not in his shoes. And his parents could really have live long enough to experience that this dream of him could destory him.

Maybe we are all over analyzing things, so to put it simply, when it comes to choice, not of life and death, but regret you did never tried or regret u tried and wasted resources on it. if the costs are bearable, im sure no one would want to regret that they never tried.

So before your smart brain tries to protect you and leads u too your 'goal'. y not ask the brain nicely to pause for a moment, and give the heart a chance to voice its opinion?

-Leon.L

Life

live life, unjudgded, impossible...
so, live lifem judged.. and don't give a fuck

quick updates

school is fine,
DSS is a bitch,
i really got full marks for MAEC o.0
things are finally over,
i gained a good brother in a process,
i hope to get another sister now,
DSS is still a bitch,
i cant think of anything else,
im looking forward to friday, Zi Yi hse for steamboat and then go clubbing,
most importantly,

IM AWESOME

okay because i woke up early, and i cant think of anything else to do but , well, blog?

so lets see, my past few blogs are either extremely cryptic or emotional, wow... Well, i guess there is nothing much i can do about it, if only the heart part is controlled by the brain.

anyways for those who are worried, the awesome guy is really fine. Ah bee is right, being carefree is still the most important part.

seriously, i cbf to blog about happenings, cause i either forget too much or i rather not blog about them? But, MAEC was a breeze, lets just hope its not overconficence!

alright, heading over to school now

unspoken words

a piece of my heart is with you now, and if you like, use it to have the rest :)

cause im willing to give what he cant...

The Great Battle

The passionate warriors are eager to fight the great war, in aid of their ally. However, the wiseman council refused, in the interest of the the lives of the warriors.
They both presented their decision to the king, which now he holds the weight of his kingdom on his hand. If he sends out the warrior to battle and it turns well, he would have a long term ally. If all fails, the very foundation of his kingdom could fail within weeks. If he follows the advice given by the wisemen, he could keep his kingdom safe, but may never gain the ally.

The king desperately seeks greater inspiration, however, does it matter? If the ally would immediately ask for assistance, his troop would be mobilised immediately. However, the ruler of their kingdom, too is afraid of bring down another kingdom if all were to fail.

For now the lest the king could do is maybe to just do the least and support the other kingdom in silence, and hope for the best...

Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know:
you were the last good thing about this part of town.

When I wake up,
I'm willing to take my chances on the hope I forget
that you hate him more than you notice I wrote this for you.

Do you need him? I could be him.
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.

Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know:
you were the last good thing about this part of town.

Someday I'll appreciate in value,
get off my ass and call you...
but for the meantime I'll sport my
brand new fashion of waking up with pants off
at 4:00 in the afternoon.

Do you need him? I should be him.
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.

One,two,three,four!

Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know:
you were the last good thing about this part of town.

(won't find out) he won't find out
(won't find out) he won't find out

Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know:
you were the last good thing about this part of town.

Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. (he won't
find out)
Maybe he won't find out what I know:
you were the last good thing about this part of town.



Thank you for the answer :)

it really sucks to have your mobile service suspended, quite a far bit to tell you, but i guess we really dont have enough time. maybe this avenue is another platform for me to talk to you tonight, or maybe just e mail you, yeah i should just do that

i dont even know why im blogging this, probably cause there is no one out there that is willing to listen, im comfortable talking to. Tsk, MAEC, double coincidende sucks -.- im enjoying freakonomics too much...

its the 8th day of the new year and a tear escaped my eye, and it sucks, but meh at least its kinda comforting to know that still have the ability to cry >.> the last i remember that a tear actually escaped emotionally, was.. during a fight with someone i cared about at that point of time...

Fuck it... this is a waste of time, cant concentrate on no work

im out!!!!!

im out im out, okay now, careful and dont fall into any stupid holes!

-my posts gets shorter and shorter

optimism :D

well, i guess there is nothing i can do about it?

maybe just dont act on it, sounds like a plan!

too fast to say

will it be too fast to say that i only brought one of you over to 2010? hahaha i guess we shall see :)